I had completely forgotten that I had done this interview with the BBC/OU … and here it is … I think if I pay WordPress some money I can actually put it into my blog, but I am too skint, so you will have to download it from here:
all feedback welcome, and offers of work – voice overs, speaking clock, David Attenborough’s job etc
Sometimes I marvel at the ability of the hedgehog to take me into previously uncharted realms, such as, in this case, the larcenous behaviour of Chancellor of the Exchequer, George Osborne.
Now you might imagine that this is going to be a searing critique of the brilliant way in which the very very rich have managed to persuade us that the only way to pay back the debts of the very very rich is to take lots of money away from the very poor. Turkeys and Christmas spring to mind … I am sure that as soon as people wake up to what is going on that we will see plenty more activity on the street.
Waking up is crucial – we are fed such a mass of inanity, we are taught to desire what we have not got and despise what we have. We are presented with the burblings of those to whom we are supposed to aspire – minor celebrities etc – in such a way that the thoughts of a person who slept with a footballer will get more attention in the press and sell more books than a serious, beautifully written and important book looking at the reasons for environmental collapse (and that is not a plug for A Prickly Affair, this is – the perfect present for Christmas).
Wake up to the fact that we are being presented with bread and circuses – MacDonalds and the royal wedding; KFC and the X-Factor – this is like some cheap sci-fi film, the population of a future world subdued with stupour-inducing food and distraction – allowing the overlords to writhe around in an orgy of wealth and comfort gifted to them by the poor.
Sorry – back to the point. Comedy website Chortle has found that our lavishly comfortable Chancellor is not content with stripping the arts, wildlife or the environment of their funding to line the pockets of his friends, he is also happy to steal the work of others and claim it as his own!
The widely revered comic Dan Antopolski won the award for the best joke of the Edinburgh Fringe in 2009, by the Dave TV channel. I was on the radio with him – he is almost a mate (though I think he drifted off when I started to explain how his joke contained within it some serious ecological truths … ). And the joke?
Hedgehogs, why can’t they share the hedge?
It is good. I use it (and credit Dan every time) in my talks to the Women’s Institute. George Osborne used it as his contribution to The Laughing Soldier: The British Army Joke Book – and claimed it as his own (or at least did not acknowledge Dan).
So that should be enough to tip the masses onto the streets, I reckon. Never mind the homeless, jobless, artless wasteland the ConDems are busy creating – just look at the sort of person who is running the show … a joke thief. You don’t get lower than that!
I have avoided Sonic the Hedgehog for as long as possible – mainly because I have never played the game and have absolutely no idea what the excitement is all about. That is probably more of an indictment of my age rather than the game – though I would still love someone to explain the draw.
But now I am forced to write about Sonic and the Sega empire that spawned him (is Sonic male?) because they have managed to get a splash in the Daily Mail today. Which I only know thanks to the wonders of Google alerts.
“Dramatic decline of one of the nation’s favourite creatures: 300,000 fewer hedgehogs in Britain than a decade ago”
And it goes on to say some very important things about the decline in hedgehog numbers, how the data is gathered – through the rather unpalatable mechanism of counting road kill – and brings in ideas of intensive farming being one of the key problems for rural hedgehogs. All good stuff.
So why am I grumpy?
Well that is the story really. It is a story of how the PR industry ‘use and abuse’ on behalf of their clients. It is a story riddled with self-indulgent moaning about the hard lot of a freelance writer who keeps getting drawn into doing the work for people who are being paid each and every month – even when they make such absurd mistakes as has been done in this instance. But mostly it is a story that asks the big question … what numpty put those hedgehogs in the picture?
Back in September I got a message from Sega’s PR company, Mischief PR. They wanted help in the run up to the launch of their new game and they wrote to all sorts of hedgehog related groups around the country. A few were passed on to me – and more than once, promises were made, e.g. “We would make a donation to the UIST Hedgehog Rescue for your involvement and would also be mentioning the charity in our press materials, so aiming to raise awareness of the work you guys do! It is designed to be a fun event, but also ones that highlights the serious nature of your charity.”
There were looking for the most dangerous road crossing in the UK for hedgehogs, they wanted quotes on the numbers of hedgehogs killed on the roads and they wanted a supply of hedgehogs to pose for a photo-shoot.
Given that this was done with the promise of publicity and money for the BHPS – of whom I am a trustee – I decided to invest quite some time and managed to find them a suitable place, some hedgehogs and plenty of facts about the state of hedgehogs.
I asked if I could come to the photo shoot – as by now they were hoping to do some sort of Abbey Road mock up … and I though it would be quite fun to see, and also be something I could use in my talks. I find the whole iconography of the hedgehog fascinating. I even had a positive response from Radio 4’s Saving Species programme who were interested in using this to spark a discussion on the true impact of roads on wildlife. This is important because dead hedgehogs, and dead anything else for that matter, is far from the full story. Roads, especially busy roads, act as real, physical barriers to many species. They have a far greater impact on the environment than simply dead beasts.
They agreed and said they would let me know when it was all happening … and I decided, having dealt with PR companies before, not to hold my breath. And a good job too! As the event all took place with not one jot of communication with me, despite promises to the contrary. Even my phone calls were ignored.
And if they had invited me along? Well, then they would not have made the mistake, which has made them look utterly ridiculous. Somehow they have ended up with an African Pygmy Hedgehog in the shot. Have a look at the picture, the hedgehog on the left looks a little different – smaller, whiter spines. That is not a native hedgehog. If Sega want to go helping Atelerix frontalis and Ateleric albiventris, I would suggest they start investing in conservation projects in Africa, not encourage people to take them in as pets.
I have written quite a bit about these before now. These are pet hedgehogs. The craze for keeping them as pets was big and brief in the USA – as is always the case with fad pets. And there are people who would like to see the same thing happen here. Now I have spent plenty of time with these pet hedgehogs and can see why some people, especially those unable to do much in the way of moving themselves, might find them agreeable. They are cute and they can be tamed into cuddliness.
BUT – we have our own wild hedgehogs here, and if the craze does kick off, it is inevitable that unscrupulous dealers will start trying to palm off our wild hedgehogs as pets, and when boredom sets in, as it will do, and people want to get rid of their pets, they will either just release them into the wild – where they will die – or hand them on to a hedgehog rescue centre, that will be poorly equipped to deal with – and unable to re-release the animal.
So, Sega, and your PR machine, it is time to correct the picture and to pay up – there are a number of hedgehog carers who have spent considerable amounts of time and energy, only to feel ignored, and there groups like the BHPS as well – who would all benefit from a fraction of your great wealth. More importantly, there are thousands of hedgehogs out there who would benefit from some scrapings from the Sonic table – oh, and don’t forget the unpaid writers!
Lets see Sega make good on its promises, or lets start a call to boycott Sonic.
And just as a final note – who thought that sticking boots, ‘Sonic’ boots, onto a young hedgehog was going to make it happy? Poor thing looks utterly miserable.